So close, yet...

No, Yahoo! Personals. Contrary to what you may think, a large black woman is not my ideal match. I hope she finds happiness, I really do, but it's just not going to be with me regardless of what your computers may say.

I don't know why I even bother..

Neverending youth

Today I took a trip to my nieghborhood Barnes & Noble to buy some travel books for Europe and Germany. I figured it was a good idea for me to have some idea of the country I was going to be living in for a few months. I handed the books to the cashier who asked me if I was going to be studying in Germany. Studying?

I think it's fascinating that even at the age of 28 I'm still being confused with a college student. Of course, this just goes hand in hand with being carded at every bar I go to. As surprising as this is, though, it is nothing compared to be carded at a movie theater where you have to be the mature age of 17 to get into a rated R movie. That was definitely a low-point in my above-17 life.

Happy Thought Of The Day: When I'm 90 I'll be asked if I'm 70, and everybody loves a good looking 70 year old.

Quintessential me

A little while back I put something down on my computer desk and told myself not to lose track of it because it was quite important. Ok, the 'something' was a collar-extender which resembles a button with a loop on it. It's used to increase the neck size of a dress shirt (what can I say, I have weird proportions...). I had this conversation with myself because where I put it down was not in it's usual spot so I thought I'd take extra special care not to forget where it was.

The next day I sat down by my computer and picked up this little object and absent mindedly just started playing with it in my hand. Just passing the time really, keeping my fingers entertained. I probably carried this thing around my entire apartment just playing with it. Of course, I got distracted by something and when I actually had to use this little object I had no idea what happened to it. Not a friggin' clue. One minute it had been in my hand, the next it was floating in the ether of "what the fuck?" land. That was four weeks ago. I still haven't found it.

If you happen to find a button with a loop on it floating around your house, it's probably mine. I'd like it back. Thanks.

Didn't see that one coming

This weekend I watched the movie Sin City with a few friends. Or, should I say, 'ex-friends' because after choosing that one I'm sure they will not be hanging out with me anymore. That's not to say it was a bad movie. In fact, I think it was one of the most interesting movies I've seen in a longtime. The cinematography in itself was enough to deserve massive amounts of praise.

But don't deceive yourself, this ain't no Disney movie. In fact, it's gotten be the most disturbing movie outside of the pair of Kill Bill films. The only difference is that Tarantino threw in a dose of campiness into Kill Bill which diluted the disturbing nature that accompanies that much blood letting. Sin City doesn't pull any punches other than it's use of a comic book style of cinematography. So, although you don't necessary see large quantities of red blood (in fact, most of it isn't) you do see a lot of gore and otherwise disturbing images. People die, and in horrible ways. And although this film was only 'guest' directed by Tarantino, the order of the story board reeks of his influence. Linearity is put in a blender and puree'd. Like most Tarantino flicks, though, the end justifies the means. Confusing as it may be to follow the multiple story lines as they weave in and out of each other through the course of the story, their resolution in the end makes it clear that the method in which the story was told was of upmost necessity.

This movie isn't for everyone. Hell, it might not be for anyone. But if you're craving originality this should be towards the top of your list. See if with friends because to watch it alone is only asking for nightmares. But also make sure those friends are likely to enjoy this type of movie. Otherwise, you might end up with a few less friends.

It's about time I wrote something

This post is a long time coming and I really have a million things to write. Or ten. Truth is, it's probably somewhere between the two. But it's about time I come clean with everyone and explain why it's taken me so long to write: I had all my fingers surgically removed so I could save money by not having to buy gloves. Now all I need is a pair of old tube socks to keep my stubby hands warm. I know you're jealous of my ingenuity.

Ok, that's obviously not true. I told the doctor to keep pointer fingers. That way I could still type these blog entries. Lucky you.

What I really wanted to do is elaborate on my recent announcement that I'm being shipped to Germany. I'll keep it short because I know it's not interesting to anyone other than myself and the people I work with. Here's the part that you'd be interested in: I head off in August (exact date: to be determined) and stay for approximately three months in the city of Cologne. I know nothing about the city other than what's been passed my way from people who have been there. That's enough to get me excited. Even more importantly, I plan to travel as much as I can while I'm over there. Sure, I'll be busy with all the work I'll be given for my job but once the weekend hits it's time to party and see as much as I can. Job? What job? I'm going to get my party on in Europe.

And this is the part that you'll really like: Consider this an open invitation to come visit me in Cologne, Germany. That includes all you random people who don't actually know me but still read my blog. You're all welcome, especially the young, attractive females. Come on, come all, and we'll have a great time, especially during Oktoberfest :)

Great gobs of goose shit!

What's got two thumbs and is going to Germany for three months in July?

This guy...

More to come later. And bonus points if you got the reference...