This is where I summarize the last four months of my life

My hand swatted at the alarm clock in a feeble attempt to turn the damn thing off. The lack of NPR emanating from the speakers told me that my aim must have been pretty good despite the early hour and complete darkness. Nothing is worse than waking up in complete darkness, which is why I like to sleep with the blinds open. If there's any sunlight to sneak its way into my bedroom I'm going to make sure my door is open for it. My body felt tired and my head was full of that sleep-induced haze which requires minutes of unconsciousness to form but hours to totally clear away. It couldn't be morning already; my brain was still aching for some rest and comfort of my bed. The clock did say 6:00 A.M., didn't it? It must have, the alarm went off and I'm awake. I think. Regardless, I'm awake now which only means it's time to jump into the everyday routine of brushing my teeth and taking a shower, maybe throw in a shave if I have to look particularly clean that day. Getting out of bed wasn't easy, room temperature never being nearly as warm as it should be and the cold linoleum of the bathroom floor as inviting as a dead fish down the pants. I know it must be done but, really, something just doesn't feel right. It's as if time itself was playing some cruel practical joke on me and managed to freeze the world so I was the only thing animated, with no hope of actually getting to my destination. Even with my mouth full of toothpaste I couldn't shake the feeling that I was out of place, that someone was watching me from a one-way mirror and having a good laugh. With toothbrush dangling from my teeth I headed back into the bedroom, where my mortal enemy the alarm clock sat on my nightstand, within screaming distance of the indentation on my pillow where my head used to be. Eyes still have closed by the cobwebs of lethargy I tried to convince myself that the clock didn't actually read 12:30 A.M. If that was true then I had no earthly reason to be brushing my teeth or, for that matter, looking at clocks. How could a clock suddenly turn back six hours and could I possibly be the luckiest person alive, having discovered I still had a few hours to rest my bones? I wasn't convinced and the evidence was puzzling at best. My brain said morning, my clock said night; a classic case of man vs. machine though this time the former had an overwhelming desire to be on the losing end. There was only one way to settling this precarious situation: best two out of three. A quick romp into the living revealed a cell phone, and a small brightly glowing LCD screen which screamed out the time in all its neon glory. 12:30 A.M.! 12:30 A.M.? Why they hell am I brushing my teeth at this time of the night! I was seconds away from jumping in the shower. If I didn't bother checking I could have been halfway to work before I realized that my morning ritual was six hours premature. Most disturbing, though, is the thought that I must have, all in my sleep mind you, 'heard' my alarm, 'hit' the off button, 'looked' at the clock, and decided that it was time to wake up and get dressed. Not my greatest accomplishment ever but certainly not the worst given my past performances.