Just a few thoughts

I promised you this post and I try not to disappoint. This is my moment of reflection, introspect, and wisdom. Or, at least, an attempt at all three. The events, or lack thereof, of the past couple of weeks have showed me once again how fragile the human condition is despite our belief otherwise. Self-image is only as reliable as the mirror we look into, and often times the reflection is distorted by our hopes of what we'd like to see. I thought I was a strong person. No, that's not the right term. I thought that I had set up a rather solid emotional wall, protecting myself from those powers that exist to hurt us on a personal level. I'm not completely closed off, of course, but I'm usually very careful as to who and what I open my doors to. Vulnerability was not even considered and for some time now I let myself think that I was impenetrable. I was wrong.

My thoughts last week had been for from comforting. Keep in mind, however, that what sparked all this was not unique or earth shattering. On the surface it was rather mundane in the grand scale of things (though enough to shake me up a bit). But isn't that how life usually works? We look out for major changes and it's the small ones that end up kicking us in the proverbial nuts? I think it's because the big stuff is obvious. We're expecting it. We've planned for and if or when it comes we're ready. When we don't see it coming, that's when it hurts the most. Especially since I haven't quite figured out what actually happened. Seriously, it's like it faked with the left and punched with the right and through in an ass kick for good measure. Didn't know where that came from....

Nothing is ever easy. If it is, you're doing it wrong. I think someone great once said that. Or maybe it was someone ordinary who had a little more insight into the world around him than those of us who sometimes forget certain inalienable truths. Sometimes you open your heart, even just a crack, to let something in and, well, sometimes it just never comes. That doesn't mean it needs to close. Perhaps it just means it wasn't open nearly enough. Or maybe it means those punk ass kids from down the street are ringing the bell and running again...Really, though, what we invite inside doesn't always want to come, as difficult as that might be to come to terms with. That doesn't mean you stop sending out invitations. Or stick a pissed off Doberman in the front yard. You know, the one with the big teeth that barks all the time? We're all told that, growing up, that one day we'll find our perfect match, regardless of whether or not we know it at first. What if we never do? But we will. And we'll keep believing that because it gets us out of bed in the morning.

Enough already. I know that's what you're thinking. I gotta stop harping on this thing. It's true, but I'm good when it comes to analyzing a situation beyond any reasonable necessity. Deal with it. For now, just do your best to refrain from making jokes about the size of my crack.