Yes, mom, I'm still alive...
It's been a few days since I last posted, a fact caused by a recurring case of carpal-tunnel in my right hand. Actually, it was caused by the insane amount of hours I spend in front of a computer on the average day which only goes to prove on point: I need to start using the mouse with my left hand. That, or just get more a life that involves talking to real people and not organizing my music over and over again in iTunes.
The title of this post is inspired by the fact that if I don't talk to my mother for more than a week she thinks I'm lying dead in a gutter somewhere. That, or that I no longer love her anymore and have forsaken my family. This is reflected in my favorite voice mail message of all time which I got one day while in college:
Me: Hi. I'm not home right now so please leave your name and message.
Mom: Hi Dave. It's your mother. Remember me?
Yes, mom, I remember you. I know she was joking. She knows she was joking. But deep down inside we both know that it wasn't completely a joke. That's what's so great about mothers (and fathers, too). They have this inate ability to both have a powerful influence on your life, one that you know you couldn't have survived without, while also possessing a vulnerability which we all know revolves around the fact that their lives would be empty without you in them. They know this. We know this. And we all bask in the fact that we have such an immense influence on each other's lives.
I think it goes further than love. We love each other for reasons I still haven't figured out (but appreciate greatly). This vulnerability stems from the knowledge that we are who we are only because of the people that helped us get this way. Gratitude? Self-awareness? Take away one person from the course of your life and the outcome would have been greatly different. My friends and family are important to me not because they are great people (they are) but because it's only through their strengths (and weaknesses) that I was able to evolve into the boggling creature that types these very words.
Maybe that is love.
Speaking of evolving and love, I got to attend my first catholic mass this weekend (a non-sequiter? You decide...). My friend was getting married up in College Station (that's deep in the heart of Aggie-land) and, seeing how she was Catholic, it was held in a Catholic church. I had such mixed emotions while sitting through the mass. One part of me wished I was part of it, wished I was a believer, just so I could become part of this great tidal wave of belief and inclusion and feel part of something bigger than myself. It wasn't a very big part, though.
The words that were spoken ultimately created more questions in my mind about the existance of God. And before I piss anyone off, I think I would have had the same questions had it been any other type of church or synagogue. I find that a good chunk of religion is trying (in vain) to live up to God's expectations. Or, at least, man's interpretation of what God's expectations are. I see too many contradictions that my brain can't fathom. The overall message I get is that we humans, by nature, are bad and it's all we can to do force ourselves to be righteous in the eyes of God. The problem is that I can't see why many of the things we do are wrong. I can't buy into something that tells me that who I am as a person is fundamentally bad.
I know I've brought up religion in the past and I know it's the quickest way to alienate your friends, but I'm a sucker for questions and I live for knowledge. And I hold nothing higher in this world than truth. I'm not saying that truth and religion are mutually exlusive. That would be both insensitive and close-minded on my part. Truth exists everywhere, both in the books we read in science class and the religions that guide most people in this world. They might be different flavors, but I believe that the underlying tenet of everything is truth. I'm just still looking for the bridge that gaps them all.
And if NASA knew I was writing blog entries while at work they'd have me fired...
Happy thought of the day: Getting dressed up for Halloween
Random quote of the day: "I used to cry for a world without laughter when all I had to do was create my own."
The title of this post is inspired by the fact that if I don't talk to my mother for more than a week she thinks I'm lying dead in a gutter somewhere. That, or that I no longer love her anymore and have forsaken my family. This is reflected in my favorite voice mail message of all time which I got one day while in college:
Me: Hi. I'm not home right now so please leave your name and message.
Mom: Hi Dave. It's your mother. Remember me?
Yes, mom, I remember you. I know she was joking. She knows she was joking. But deep down inside we both know that it wasn't completely a joke. That's what's so great about mothers (and fathers, too). They have this inate ability to both have a powerful influence on your life, one that you know you couldn't have survived without, while also possessing a vulnerability which we all know revolves around the fact that their lives would be empty without you in them. They know this. We know this. And we all bask in the fact that we have such an immense influence on each other's lives.
I think it goes further than love. We love each other for reasons I still haven't figured out (but appreciate greatly). This vulnerability stems from the knowledge that we are who we are only because of the people that helped us get this way. Gratitude? Self-awareness? Take away one person from the course of your life and the outcome would have been greatly different. My friends and family are important to me not because they are great people (they are) but because it's only through their strengths (and weaknesses) that I was able to evolve into the boggling creature that types these very words.
Maybe that is love.
Speaking of evolving and love, I got to attend my first catholic mass this weekend (a non-sequiter? You decide...). My friend was getting married up in College Station (that's deep in the heart of Aggie-land) and, seeing how she was Catholic, it was held in a Catholic church. I had such mixed emotions while sitting through the mass. One part of me wished I was part of it, wished I was a believer, just so I could become part of this great tidal wave of belief and inclusion and feel part of something bigger than myself. It wasn't a very big part, though.
The words that were spoken ultimately created more questions in my mind about the existance of God. And before I piss anyone off, I think I would have had the same questions had it been any other type of church or synagogue. I find that a good chunk of religion is trying (in vain) to live up to God's expectations. Or, at least, man's interpretation of what God's expectations are. I see too many contradictions that my brain can't fathom. The overall message I get is that we humans, by nature, are bad and it's all we can to do force ourselves to be righteous in the eyes of God. The problem is that I can't see why many of the things we do are wrong. I can't buy into something that tells me that who I am as a person is fundamentally bad.
I know I've brought up religion in the past and I know it's the quickest way to alienate your friends, but I'm a sucker for questions and I live for knowledge. And I hold nothing higher in this world than truth. I'm not saying that truth and religion are mutually exlusive. That would be both insensitive and close-minded on my part. Truth exists everywhere, both in the books we read in science class and the religions that guide most people in this world. They might be different flavors, but I believe that the underlying tenet of everything is truth. I'm just still looking for the bridge that gaps them all.
And if NASA knew I was writing blog entries while at work they'd have me fired...
Happy thought of the day: Getting dressed up for Halloween
Random quote of the day: "I used to cry for a world without laughter when all I had to do was create my own."
posted by The Rube at Monday, October 31, 2005
1 Comments:
WOW! I love offensive posts, the only thing missing in this one is politics.
After much soul searching, which admittedly only took an hour because I'm shallow, I've concluded that all religions contain a portion of the truth. It's amazing how similar Muslims, Jews, Christians really are in some of their belief systems. That can't be pure coincidence. Religion to me is finding the place where the whole of your ideas and philosphies match up in their doctrine. Then you pray to God for an answer, because ultimately He will let you know the truth in all things.
Wow, I'm good. I'm ready for Televangelist T.V. now, look out Joel Osteen!
What you said about family is dead on. Sometimes I make the mistake of dwelling on their failures as parents but then come to the realization that we learn from their mistakes as well as successes, and here I am today. A fat, warped, bitter individual courtesy of my Mom and Dad.
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